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It sucks! Am fade up of this, and if I was to say, I would rather have remained single for the rest of my life. Live demands more than I just believe, why so, why should I go through all these?

It sucks! Am fade up of this, and if I was to say, I would rather have remained single for the rest of my life. Live demands more than I just believe, why so, why should I go through all these?

By Monica Malith

Starting from the up bringing, I was trained to believe that unless I get a well off husband that I will be appreciated, an acceptable being in this society, that is . I had to try every other man, trying to weigh their capabilities, starting from the number of cattle they had to secure that he is going to pay a good bride prize and be taken as a lady who has been good enough and have made an achievement.

It hurts me that I was told to look for a capable man with petty reasons like, “he will be able to take care of your family. “And my question on this is, who used to take care of my family until this time that I have grown to the age of marriage? I trust that I was not born to be an item of trade. You really want me to get this guy to take my siblings to school, do shopping for my family members and the so many other nessessities needed at my home.

And if I look at you, the very ones who are telling me to get a man who could do everything for my family, you can’t do that to your in laws if you were to get marry. When I look at my brother, I really look up to him for a change of the situation at my home. I would solely want him to be that help to my family, and a change maker. When thoughts of him being a caretaker of his in laws’ home, I had rather wishes he remain single for the rest of his life but I was still wishing to get that man who will take care of my family.

Just like my home is large and in need is everyone’s home. Just like my family is so do I think his is. As my siblings need to go to school are his siblings, as numerous as my uncles and relatives are his. And then why did you make me believe otherwise? And though things seems to have gone wrong, here I confess sweetie.

For you my husband I feel sorry, I feel every pinch of the struggles you have been through. Brought up in hardship and in the same hardships are you in. I feel sorry for every other pressure I have put you in. I never cared about your feelings in that I came to your home with expectations since my up bringing. I knew as a husband to me, you were to take care of my family,that’s, pay fees for my siblings, pay medical bills and tend to me. I needed you to also be the bread winner, at my home I was to be with my siblings.

I know how stressful you became just because I hated your siblings, how I did not feel good when you paid their fees, how I had tried so much to make sure they never were in peace by cooking up stories of how bad they were, the very many arguments you have had with them due to me making up those stories, how often I have not paid their fees claiming I was robbed, of the so many times I have been claiming sick and claiming how our children were sick and the so many other things I can’t mention, just to stand out as that woman.

Yes, I did all these because I entirely knew that you were to provide all those. You are the man who came across my way, the way that was swept clean for a man who was termed as ‘able’. I had no thought that you could lack. I forgot that you are an audinary being, with very limited resources and unlimited wants. I knew how I never wanted to hear that you didn’t have. I knew you were loaded with cash.

Your family too was not in peace. And true to their thoughts, I had been a chaotic wife to you. I had selfishly wanted you for me alone and my family. Just like I look up to my brother have they always been looking up to you for a chance to make things abit easier. And for that my sincere apologies to them. Am here to love them and treat them equally just like my other family.

Embrace me darling for I am here, feeling sorry for everything wrong I have ever done, I need you now and I know your role in my life rather than what I have been trained to believe. With a heart of love do I need that we build our family, and that we all see to it that we bring the necessary changes we need and our families’ needs are well catered for depending on their urgencies. I love you now and forever.

And to my entire family and the society, the damage is real and the need to look at things at a different angle is paramount. It’s not in the number of cows paid as dowry that you could know my worth and having been good. And just like you feel their are difficulties that present the numerous challenges are their in every other home. Just like they have large families so do you too. Otherwise, it will be more damaging if we don’t reverse the course of our thoughts and beliefs. My sincere apologies to everyone!

And am truly against the the expectations instilled in us at our young age. This has really made as unworthy and it has made most of us destroy families and the great damage I can’t forget, to the wry man who are our husband. Let us always try to look at things at different perspectives.

THE MALITH (THE AFRICAN MELANIN)

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